Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
