Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
