woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
