omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
