On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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