i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize