I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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