You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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