I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
that is very illegal...i love you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
