I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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