U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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