Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
