Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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