Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
