Even the bartender felt bad for me
Actions speak louder than pants.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
