Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
