I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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