I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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