Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
