after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
