shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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