You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
