Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
