i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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