If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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