I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize