The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
