I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
