Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
