My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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