just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
