You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
