your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
