i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
