omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize