Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
