FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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