I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
