I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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