The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
