Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize