They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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