Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
they need to just BURY HIM!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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