babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize