I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
