whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
