My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
