Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
