Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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