he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
