we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
