Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
