bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
