If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
