We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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