I will die if light touches me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
