I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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