Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
