I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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