SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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