Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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