My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
