i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
