How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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